For quite awhile, my mother's stay at the hospital for days got me back to the feeling of rationality. I prayed like it was my last. (Thank God! she has now recovered.)
When life's greatest trial hits us all the way leaving us feeling so helpless, our natural resort as believers is down on bended knee , while our hands in clasp, we seek for God's divine intervention. A strong grip over our faith so that we can still hold on to life. Even when we have not yet inched our way to God, He knows already what's in our mind and heart. Yet as human, when all our prayers and wishes have been lifted and as we go back to the real world outside our churches, facing the actual dilemmas of life and when things are too much to bear, there seem still undeniably a tinge of doubt and fear inside of us. When it feels like prayers don't seem enough that we so want an answer right away.
Perhaps, we even come to ask ourselves "how far have I really entrusted my faith and strength to God? And that even if I have gone surrendering my worries and fears, still couldn't help but feel delusional." Was there really total surrendering on my part? These are questions that even to myself , I so want to contemplate.
"When God showed a big rock and asked us to push it, He didn't mean that we really have to move the rock..He only meant we simply push it while He does the moving." A simple instruction that requires total surrendering and obedience.